Manchester United

Chelsea may have won an historic treble this year (Premier League, FA Cup and Most Balding Team) but Manchester United were a close runner up in both the Premier League and Balding Team categories.

I have previously mentioned Ryan Giggs and Wayne Rooney, so let's take a look at some of the rest of their squad.



Gary Neville, receding slightly but this is to be expected for a man of his advanced years and could just be a 'mature hairline'.



Wes Brown. Ok he's not balding particularly badly, I just wanted to mention his ginger afro.



Paul Scholes, the baby-faced old man. Again, a bit of baldness is expected for someone his age.



Darron Gibson, notable bald patch. And yes, he does spell his name 'Darron'. Gaelic, apparently.



Gabriel Obertan, receding and diffuse thinning.



Dimitar Berbatov, the manner of his defection from Tottenham earned him the nickname 'The Bald Judas'.



They do also have a young player called Oliver Norwood who somewhat ironically shows no sign of balding.

So, not quite as high a percentage of balding players as Chelsea, and this may have had some effect on the title race. I would advise Sir Alex Ferguson to make sure his next few signings are balding in some way if he wants to win the Premiership next year. Maybe he should go for Joe Cole or Arjen Robben.

Norwood Rating : 1-3

Bret Michaels update

It has been a torrid few weeks for poor Mr. Michaels. In April this year he had emergency surgery to remove his appendix. Days after that, he suffered a brain hemmorage and nearly died. Now it has been discovered that he has a 'hole in the heart'. And all this on top of the indignity of male pattern baldness.



But things are starting to look up for the ageing rocker. He has spoken of being given a 'second chance' and is now planning on marrying his long term girlfriend. He also just won the third series of The Celebrity Apprentice.



So, well done Bret Michaels. I must admit to being slightly disappointed he didn't use this new lease of life to ditch the wig and bandana look though.

Norwood Rating : 4-5

Paul Terry

This is the older brother of Chelsea captain John Terry. He currently plays for Rushden and Diamonds Football Club.



It seems that as well as the strong baldness trait running through the family, there is also a strong scumbag trait too. Paul, like brother John, has allegedly been having an affair with the girlfriend of a team mate, goalkeeper Dale Roberts.



The father of the wronged team mate said "Paul is just like his brother John in my eyes. Dale has been with Lindsey since school. They say every family has a black sheep – the Terrys must have a flock."



Interestingly Paul's father, drug-dealing wideboy Ted Terry, has more hair than him. The family's morality aside, being balder than your father must be hard to deal with, and I can imagine it could lead to a few awkward moments around the dinner table.

Norwood Rating : 5

Ryan Giggs Update

I thought Ryan Giggs' hair had been looking a bit better recently. He has been spotted leaving the clinic of Advanced Hair Studio in Manchester, and is apparently undergoing some sort of treatment there.



A couple of newspapers report that he is receiving laser therapy from them. I had a look on the company's website and they describe this course of treatment :

"Regrow your hair with the powerful combination of: the latest laser beam technology, an FDA approved regrowth pharmaceutical, and a proven scalp and follicle treatment program. Visible benefits can occur in 3 months."

In other words, this is a treatment of finasteride, minoxidil and low level laser therapy.

The papers claim he is paying £6000 for this treatment, which is surprising given that a years supply of the drugs can be purchased on the internet for less than £100 and a laser comb, which is of dubious effectiveness anyway, can be bought for a similar price.

I would advise anyone who is not a multi-millionaire like Mr. Giggs to do your research before paying out such ridiculously inflated prices for these commonly available hair loss products.



Norwood Rating : 2-3v

Terry O'Quinn

Beloved reader Hydrophoby suggested 57 year old Mr. O'Quinn, who is now best known for his role as Locke in tv show Lost, which has now finished. I waited until the series ended so I didn't get spoilered.



By coincidence I was rewatching the very first episode of Lost just the other day and I noticed his head wasn't totally shaven. He starts the series with a very short buzzcut showing the norwood 6 'horseshoe' pattern. I don't know exactly when he embraced the shaven bald look and there's no way I'm going to watch the whole series again just to find out.



I first remember seeing him years ago in The Stepfather, in which he puts on a spectacular performance as the titular deranged mentalist. He was 35 when he starred in this and already well on the way to baldness.



He may have worn a wig in the Stepfather as a year or so later in psychological horror film Pin he looked like a norwood 5.



What I admire about him is the way he seems comfortably at ease with his baldness, his head shape, pointy ears and measured acting style combining to a zen like whole that would make the Buddha himself proud.



Norwood Rating : 6

Arjen Robben

The Bayern Munich player is famous for his pace, skill, diving, lack of sportsmanship and balding head.



Here he is sharing a joke with fellow cheater Didier Drogba.



He has to be the oldest looking 26 year old I have ever seen, not counting oddities like Benjamin Button.
Part of this is due to his old man's face, and part is down to his advanced baldness.



He is a another multi-millionaire football player and may be about to add the European Cup to his long list of honours. Whether this makes up for losing his hair so young I don't know.



Norwood Rating : 4

Mark Clattenburg update

Mark Clattenburg has for some reason finally decided to speak out about his new found hair.



According to The Sun newspaper, he said ""Like a lot of men my age I noticed my hair was thinning. So I decided to do something about it. The hardest decision is to make that call. But I did and it solved the problem and changed my life. Now it's official - my hair loss is no longer a problem."

He underwent treatment at the White Cliffs Hair Studio. They don't specify exactly what they did for Clattenburg, but reading between the lines it's pretty obvious that he now wears a hairpiece. So this picture of him using a laser helmet is odd to say the least.



He seems happy and it does look impressive so good luck to him. Whether it will stop the spiteful 'you're bald and you know you are" chants from ringing round the terraces is another matter.

Norwood Rating : 1-2 with wig, 3v without.